Quit Whining About Seasonal Creep, AMIRITE?

(Subtitled: PUMPKIN BEERS, WHY GODS WHY)

So, it’s July or August, and the Oktoberfest beers and pumpkin ales come out and it’s ALL TOO MUCH. “Don’t tell ME when summer is over!” you might scream to the heavens. “It’s too damn hot for malt-forward lagers and pumpkin spice!”

I’m with you on the pumpkin spice/pumpkin/pumpkin pie beers, y’all. They are abominations sent unto thee to prove that people will drink just about anything that reminds them of dessert, no matter how disgusting. I don’t like pumpkin beers, you guys. YOU GUYS. I hate pumpkin beers. Therefore I concede to annoyance that they come out earlier and earlier in the summer time because I really wish they didn’t come out at all.

Seasonal creep (and complaining about it) is a widespread phenomenon (see also: Facebook posts screeching about seeing holiday decorations up before Halloween.) It’s all part of the corporate philosophy to not let anyone get the drop on you, and to badger consumers into submission over a prolonged perio …