For Real Though, I love Old Milwaukee

There are beliefs I hold of which no argument can dissuade me:

• Queen is the greatest band of all time
• Dogs are far superior to cats (and children)
• No restaurant is worth a 30 minute wait
• Receipts for a transaction under $5 should be illegal
• Old Milwaukee is the best bad beer

I have not tried every bad beer. But Old Milwaukee is the best of them. Every bar in America should be required to carry Old Milwaukee on tap in order to maintain its liquor license.

Old Milwaukee is why riding lawnmowers have cupholders. And if a few grass clippings get in there … all the better. Call it a randall.

Old Milwaukee is THE beer to have in the kitchen. Drink it while cooking and then pour some in your pot of chili, baste some smoking meat with it, splash a little on some beef Wellington if you want knock your fancy dinner guests down a peg. Make sure you do that last one with the camo and hunter orange cans that come out for deer season.

Shotgun it, sip it from a snifter, put a straw in the can.

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